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【爸爸公子】梁繼璋 : 罰 ....!

13/7/2014

0 評論

 
Picture
為人父母的,有誰人沒懲罰過孩子?

無論父母採用甚麼處罰方式,但說到底,這些行動背後,只有一個目的,就是希望孩子能將惡習戒掉,成長為一個更好的人。

以前,體罰是很普遍的做法。

沒有幾個孩子,未試過被父母用藤條打的滋味,記憶所及,好像有些藤條還是一開二,痛楚的感覺也自然是雙倍,有時,就算父母不是真的想打我,但在疾言厲色地責備之時,手裏也會揮舞着那條粗粗的藤條,在空中發出「颯颯」的聲音,很有懾人威勢。

近年,大家都傾向不用體罰這方式,藤條或鷄毛掃,已經不再是家中必備的教子工具了。

很多親子專家亦一再強調,體罰,不單止不是最有效的方法,而且還可能令某些孩子,學習了用暴力去對待比他弱小的人。而且,過度頻密地使用體罰,還有可能影響父母和孩子的親密性,和孩子的自尊心。

那麼,如果不用體罰,我們又可以用甚麼方法去懲罰犯了錯的孩子?

從心理學角度,罰本身可分為兩類。

正面懲罰(positive punishment)

負面懲罰(negative punishment)

正面懲罰,就是在孩子身上加諸一些他不喜歡的東西,例:責備、罰企等。

負面懲罰,就是從他身上取走一些他喜歡的東西,例如:收走他喜歡的玩具,或不讓他看最想看的電視節目。

到底,「罰」是否有效的教導方法?

我個人認為是,但也有專家指出,一些令懲罰失去應有作用的因素。

1.時間性

懲罰,必須在做錯事後馬上執行。

如果兩者相隔太久,警戒的效果就會減低。專家以監犯為例,為何有些積犯,無論送入監房多少次,重犯的機會依然偏高?因為他們犯案後,通常不是馬上被送入監,而是隔了好一段時間,所以改過自新的機會也相應地減低。

2.固定性

另一個影響懲罰成效的,是固定性。

例如:這次孩子說謊話,你懲罰他,下一次他說謊話,你剛巧心情很好,沒有懲罰他。於是,他便不會記住:「說謊話是不對的」這個訊息。因此,懲罰必須有固定性,應罰的,一定要罰。

最後,要懲罰收到效果,父母必須在懲罰之後,教導孩子以後再遇到相同情況,應該怎樣做才不會被罰。因為,罰一個人,除了停止一些不好的行為以外,另一最大用意,就是教曉孩子,怎樣做才是對呢。

值得一提的,是「罰」這教子方法,有另一個相對的模式,稱為:「賞」。

有罰,也有賞,這才公平。

賞,未必是一些可見的物質,它可能是一些稱讚的說話,或甚至一個嘉許的眼神,總之,令孩子知道,當他做對的時候,父母是有留意到,亦有給予正面評價的。

賞罰並用,孩子才會更為受教呢。

http://eastweek.my-magazine.me/index.php?aid=33669



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